It was November of last year and my son, who was then a newborn was colicky, owing to his young age.I changed his diaper, swaddled him, and fed him to sleep as I had to go to see his doctor and collect his homeopathy medicines.
‘I’ had to go, and no one else could (despite being available) because only I knew the baby inside out and could answer all of the doc’s questions.As it had been decided, I started for the doctor’s clinic with the intent to return home in about half an hour.
We had conveniently made up our minds that the little one’s Daddy, the next best candidate available to take care of the baby, would baby sit the little one. Half-an-hour or three sets of 10mins each was not a long time to leave the baby alone. My morning rituals take me about 20 mins, so surely the baby would be fine for a little more than that as well. So I left.
Half-an-hour later, when I reached home…
All I could hear was: My baby crying like somebody has thrashed the hell out of him. I just threw the pack of medicines on the sofa and rushed to the baby’s nursery as I entered the house.
All I could see was: A pack of diapers on the floor, the swaddler lying in one corner of the bed, the entire room almost in a mess, and a completely lost Daddy struggling to soothe the baby.
He heaved a sigh of relief.
All he could do was: Soothe the baby by making some sounds, burp him, swaddle him tighter to make him feel warm or swaddle him lighter if he was feeling hot, check his diaper for poop (if not change it) and what not.
All I could do was: Act correctly! The moment I saw my baby I could make out that the baby is not hungry but is experiencing some discomfort. I ran to check his diaper and saw there what was most expected- Poop.
What Daddy didn’t know was that the baby was beginning to experience a diaper rash and every elimination for him was very troublesome.
I immediately fixed the issue by cleaning him in the most gentle manner possible and smearing loads of diaper rash cream in the affected area.
A few minutes later…
When things got fine and we all settled down, an extremely upsetting thought came up and that made me change the way I was bringing up my son.
God forbid, if I am no more a part of my son’s world in the future, then will his Dad be able to replace me even partially, if not completely?
I felt really bad to have thought about myself in that manner, but it was a kind of a reality check and I could not think of a genuinely satisfying answer to give to myself.
All I decided was, to ‘train’ my husband to know and take care of the baby as I do. Sounds funny at the face of it, but letting my husband partner equally in the process of parenting turned out to be really beneficial eventually.
Now that my son is a year old, I feel good to have made his Daddy an equal partner in the parenting process and trust me, the business has flourished like anything.
Mothers should allow Daddies to be a part of parenting and here are the 5 cool reasons to prove my point here.
1. I need some space in life
Trust me, every day of life would be more exhausting than childbirth. You won’t get time to even attend nature’s call in peace. You will end up getting tired, fussy, irritated and overly exhausted.
But, if Daddy is there with you, he can share the load and make life much better. You can bathe the baby, he can dress him up. You can feed the baby, he can clean up after him. You could clear up his poopy booboos and he can help you with the diapering rituals.
If the little one is used to being with Daddy, he can even take baby for a ‘only-with-Dadda-walk’ while you catch up on your long lost sleep.
2. My child will grow up to be a balanced individual.
Perhaps, because you are what your friends are, as you spend most time of the day with them.
Similarly, if baby spends the maximum time with Mommy dearest then he would grow up to be a Mama’s boy (which you surely don’t want him to be) and he would surely absorb in all your negatives as he does your positives.
But, if he stays with Daddy also, he would get another perspective in life, get to interact differently, take up his positives as well, be fine with new and different people around him (and not just Mommy) and he would be more of an extrovert than a shy, reserved introvert.
3. Hats off to you, my child’s Mom!
Often, very often, the job of being a stay-at-home Mom is underrated by men and sadly, even by women sometimes. Daddies usually conveniently assume that their better half stays at home all day and enjoys TV shows, good food, and comfortable naps whenever she wants also looking after the house according to her convenience. Whereas daddies go out of their comfort zone, win the bread for the family and bear all the major responsibilities.
However, if Daddy also shares the responsibility of taking care of the baby then he will come to know how difficult or easy, as they say, a task it is to be a Mom.
How boring is it to stay at home all day, the TV shows that a Mom watches are all from Baby TV, she finishes food like she has to catch a flight the next moment, she gets to sleep only when the baby sleeps and looking after the house includes doing the laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning and what not.
Daddy will definitely start respecting Mom more if he has to take care of the baby even for a day, all by his own.
4. I am practicing non-attachment.
We feel sheer bliss, don’t we? We feel important and wanted.
That’s the exact moment when we truely feel like a mother. But this bliss and awesome feeling has the feeling of attachment silently hidden under it.
This attachment grows with every gesture of love that your child shows towards you and the one who suffers in the future is you. Come on, let’s accept the fact that some day your baby boy would grow up and leave you to build a life of his own and your baby girl would grow into a pretty young lady for you to marry her off to the man of her dreams.
The attachment would then show up and you surely won’t be able to cope with it then.
But, if Daddy is also one of the favourite persons of the child then you would be just about okay on the attachment front. Even Dad will get a chance to feel loved and wanted and you would not be the only star of your kid’s life and won’t feel bad later when the position is no more yours.
5. It’s ‘our’ baby and not ‘just mine’.
Having a baby is a mutual decision and a shared responsibility. The growing bud in the mother’s womb does not only belong to the mother but the father’s as well. Both are supposed to look after the little one with equal attention, love and care.
Mommys are there to look after the baby’s needs and Daddies to discipline and guide the child. Neither can do the job of the other successfully if left alone.
Allowing Daddies to help you bring up the child can be both daunting and fun. It all depends on how you take it. Of course, you need to have patience when approaching it from the other route. I mean, be prepared for a dirty diaper right in the middle of the room, the baby wearing an old worn out romper, seeing a spit up on the bed and the list can go on and on. It will all seem fun and great when you take it with a pinch of salt and see love in the situation. So, Mommies give it a shot and see Daddy becoming the other-Mommy to your child. Best Luck!